Daddy Grow Up
65
Listening to: Train-Hey Soul sister
Sometimes I treat my Father like a child but if you knew his past you wouldn't blame me. My whole life Ive taken care of EVERYONE else....sometimes I just get real tired. Tired of all the drama, tired of having to drop my whole world so I can go and fix theirs...
My dad has been in and out of jail since I was born. In fact When I was Born he wasn't there because he was incarcerated. I was taken from my mom when I was in the third grade and since my dad was in Jail I lived with mty grandmother. I remember Visiting my Dad When he was in jail. I still have a Koa wood bracelet he gave me when he was in jail, I was like 6. I mean I don't really remember much but this long Red Dirt Road, The Case worker who drove me there and how uncomfortable I was when I got there. And Later on in my life I remember thinking How selfish he was dragging a child to prison, What was he thinking??
So this Time I was writing him in jail AGAIN. A lot of times I write him 12 letters and only send him one because the others are far to mean for me to send someone in prison, but finally I just said SCREW IT! When is he not in Prison? Am I going to sit and wait for him to get a grip to tell him how I feel? So I wrote him a letter
Dad,
You have been in and out of prison my whole life and I'm sick of it. All you ever do is think about yourself, its always about you! Let me tell you if i help you get your shit together when you get out on the 24th and you go back to jail...then I'm done with you. I am never writing you in Prison again! And When I have children you will have nothing to do with them! I am turning 21 and you know nothing about me aren't you ashamed? You don't even know who I am and its hard for our relationship to get any better when your behind bars. I want a dad I can lean on, not one I have to take care of!
Signed a wounded Soul
My father got out of jail on March 24, 2010 and hopefully this is the last time. He has had a Job for a couple months and he was doing great in everything else as well....not counting the few fuck ups here and there. He got kicked out of his half way house yesterday and slept in his work places office last night but I talked to him a little while ago and hes found a place to live with an old friend...hes going to rent a room from her. God knows how long this is going to last since hes fucked her along time ago and once a bang always a bang....lord knows hes going to mess this up too.I
Sometimes I treat my dad like a child, and i know hes an adult. But I just want to see him become the man I no he is under the tattoos and the puff of ganga smoke.
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Sorry to Hear that Joshua. Thats kinda sad that had to be the first time you saw him. But im glad you got your life together! not my dad in and out for 21 years its getting to the point where its just unforgivable
You have had a lot of burdens to bear youngcurves, I hope you will manage to build a better future for yourself, look for a really good man who will look after you and set a few goal posts. I feel very deeply for you.
Katyzzz Thank you! I dont like to talk about it but now i write hubs and I figured there are people out there who might be able to relate and for some to maybe hear what they put or are putting their children through!
Hello YoungCurves19,
This is way too sad to read, but read it I did.
I know way too many relatives that have, and had parents like yours.
If you are not in college please look into going, and hopefully you can go away to school. Also, start saying "NO" by associating it with something you have to do.
Do not lie. Just be busy.
You are too young, and your father is practiced in who he is.
The only person you can change is you. Just remember if you do get with someone he may be like your father. So, worry about changing how you deal with your family in general.
Please start by saying "No" to those that are not there for you. Of course saying "Yes" to those who are there for you is cool. LOL.
I know all of this from experience.
Good luck!
Thank for sharing your way too sad personal story.
The real reality of it is more than then I have posted! There are somethings i just cant post but its not something i cant and wont deal with. Life is rough you just have to keep moving. thanks tho
Hello Youngcurves,
I am sorry to hear that.
Of course there is more and it is none of my business.
I have nieces and nephews your age so I just wanted to give the advice I would have given them.
I wish you more than luck.
Keep writing!
Ne Wright thank you so much and god bless, I appreciate the kind words.
What a bummed trip it has been but all the while making you into the great woman you are. You deserved better and I am so sorry for everything. I hope that you know how much you matter and how bad your Mom has always felt. You are one of the most amazing people I have ever known and you inspire me all the time. The hurt is bad but The guilt is even worse. I hope you remember that.
Angela- I doubt the guilt is worse then the pain! esp since he doesnt have any guilt. It is VERY clear
Sorry for that but I am sure that you show the world that although all of this, you're ready to be a unique person.
Educate as much as you can then you can issue books can change the world not just a person.
Let your dream grow bigger and bigger & say I can.
voted "Up".
taled-thanks for your unique perspective
Joshua Kell 2 years ago
Wow!I don't know you, but I am sorry you have to go through all of this. I felt even ashamed. I was in prison for screwing up on my parole (for manufacturing psychedelic compounds) when my son was born. Everything that happened was my own fault, and I was a very selfish person to choose drugs over my family. It was awful to see him through a window for the first time, and not being able to hold him. He was so cute, and it broke my heart. I am glad I was out before he was old enough to remember me in jail, after reading this. That was over 10 years ago, and happily I have found my truth, and have been off drugs and out of the joint since. This hub has made me realize, that I can never ever go back to that life. I would never want to make my son feel like you do. One of my greatest fears is that my son will grow up to use drugs, or go to prison. It is a hard life, and once you've been incarcerated its hard to start over. The way the system is set up, is like the prison system has revolving doors. Being on parole is a tricky thing, they watch you like a hawk, and if you mess up, back to jail you go. I hope your dad gets it together for your sake. Your a smart young lady, and I know you'll do great. Hang in there. Thanks for sharing. This was a very intense hub for me. It really made me think.